And it all ends so fast.

My marriage almost ended over 2 little words:


Bathing. Suit.


Yup. Yesterday started out great. Then, at some point, I got the BRILLIANT idea to go to the gym and swim laps. See, I think it's too hot out to do anything else (even in the air conditioning), so swimming is about all I want to do at this point. Plus, I like doing it.

I go home. I pull out BOTH of my bathing suits. Try on the bigger one that I haven't worn in longer...the top is "ok", but I've never really like the bottom that I picked out and now I just feel like a cow in it. And there is a gap between the 2...probably what gives the cow-like impression. Ok...fine. Lets go for the one piece instead of the tankini. I can get it on...but it does absolutely nothing for me...not to mention when we were in Disney last (that would be January...), we were going up steps at a water park and DH tells me that my bathing suit is sheer. It's black. Sheer is hard to accomplish. But I did. So now I'm already thinking about this when I try it on. Could I see anything? Eh...probably not, but there is no guarantee. And I'm SO big on the bottom, and so average sized on top. Ok...I'm really not average sized, butt his suit is made to minimize, so instead of pushing up the girls and flaunting them to distract from my huge ass, all it does is flatten and hide. Great.

So I tell the DH. His response: "Well, I guess that is your first goal." Which makes me cry more. Oh, did I not mention I started crying? Yeah. I did. And he proceeds to harp on the gym membership. Again. And I tell him that is NOT helping motivate me, and all it is doing is making me NOT go out of spite (FYI: this is IE...both parts of it...see? I can stay on topic.) So he gets pissy at me for telling him he isn't helping. HUGE fight which included not just THINKING about taking the cat and leaving (yes...the cat is coming with me. I don't care what Mike says. He can have the 2 little ones. I'm taking Fatboy.) but actually TELLING him that I wasn't sure about "us." It went THAT far. I cried more. In fact, my eyes are still puffy and I still have a headache over 12 hours later I cried so much.

We finally agreed that he would read IE so that he at least understands what I'm trying to do and what the process is. He can't help if he doesn't get the concept. He said he got through a little of it last night. Didn't really comment on what he had read, but I was in a hurry this morning.

So...out of all of that, there was at least a success here. I DID NOT turn to food at all. Ok...so I probably had a failure in that I ate very little last night out pissed-offedness. Don't argue about my weight, then expect me to eat that chef salad that you put a pound of meat and cheese on and dumped a shitload of dressing onto...all without asking if I even WANTED to eat now. Yes, i was hungry. I did FINALLY eat at least some of it...but that part was far from a success. It was the OPPOSITE of what IE says about "forget-you-eating"...the eating would have made him happy, so I wasn't, even if I both needed and wanted to. But the success was the fact that I didn't skip the salad and then go for sweets.

Oh. And whether he likes it or not, I'm buying a bathing suit tonight. And maybe a towel. And going to swim. Because I want to and like I said, it's too damn hot to do anything else around here. And at least I don't need to put gas in my car today (after a $60 fill up this morning...), which was another part of what has been stopping me, but I at least realize that is an excuse. "Unnecessary driving" doesn't really include the gym...if I had my scooter, I'd probably come up with some other excuse. I realize this.

So for now, my marriage is safe and sound. But if I get ONE MORE snide comment, I really am taking the cat and leaving. Though, DH did say there would be a long custody battle for him. I'd win though. He's my baby and he knows it. Spoiled brat.