The voices in my head told me to.

No, not murder my sister-in-law. Though, I would listen if they did. And I don't mean good sister-in-law with my snuggly nephew. I mean the evil, holier-than-thou, bitchy one. I keep hoping they walk over here JUST so I can tell them to get out of my house. I'm a horrible person sometimes. But she deserves it. I'll tell that story sometime. Today's blog actually has a purpose. And it's not to prove I'm insane. I'm actually on topic today...we are going to talk about IE.

So, I was reading my book again yesterday, and it was talking about the destructive and constructive messages we all think to ourselves that help and hurt our eating behaviors. This rule is to "Challenge the Food Police" and defend your personal barriers. So how are these the voices in my head? Well, if you have ever been on a diet, as I'm positive most of you have, because, well, I've never met anyone who hasn't had SOME kind of food issues (there is ONE person I know who instead of trying to lose weight, she had trouble gaining...but that's another story). What was I saying? Oh...yeah...if you have ever been on a diet, you know that you have that nagging voice in your head that chastises your choices and cravings at every turn. Hell...I've had days where I "yelled" at myself for too many baby carrots. Yes, it's true. Well, it was more the FF Italian Dressing I was eating with them...but the dressing alone is pretty boring, so I kept eating carrots. And don't even ASK about the guilt over a cookie or brownie. Oh. My. God.

What is a fat girl to do, though? You can't help the cravings. Well, IE says...you not only shouldn't STOP the cravings (because you can't...end of story. It's not possible. Biology is too ingrained.), you should EMBRACE your cravings. We've covered this, though. Honor your hunger, make peace with food and all that jazz (gee, thanks, Kate. I *still* have that song in my head). But HOW do you turn off the guilt? Well, you have to start talking to yourself. When your brain tells you "You don't deserve that piece of cake. You need to lose weight. And if you eat that one piece, you won't stop until it's gone, so you can't trust yourself" it's time to talk back...and remind yourself that, yes, you CAN stop when you are satisfied. The cake will be there later...and you can have more! WHENEVER you want it.

But...I said voiceS...plural. Not just one. So, which others are there? We also have the Diet Rebel...this is the loudest one for me. The one that, when someone tells me I need to lose weight, or I should go to the gym (hint, hint, DH...) or I shouldn't eat my cake that I slaved over for MINUTES making (ok...fine. I hardly slaved over it), all of those things cause me to say "Fuck you. You can't tell me what to do." Ok...the book actually calls it "forget you eating," but I prefer to speak in terms that I would actually use. Sorry for offending, but you get the point. And when I say "Eff You!" I do the opposite of whatever I'm being told...even though it hurts me more than the person I'm blocking against. I'm trying to learn how to actually SAY "fuck off" instead of eating it. How is that a good thing? Well, duh. If I'm eating less because I don't want to eat, how could that POSSIBLY be a BAD thing? I mean, really. It's so logical when you think about it...but I've been doing this for years without realizing it. Hard habit to break.

Are there more voices? Yeah. But those don't bother me as much. And I have good sister-in-law coming over soon with my boogie bear, so if you want to learn about the other voices, read the book. I'll give you a hint, though...it has to do with false nutrition information that gets thrown at you from everywhere and becomes law in your mind.

Oh...and in other news, I'm getting a new kitchen! YAY! Reason: not so yay. When we put in the window unit air conditioner to help our central air not run as much, we didn't know there was a plug in the drain hole. And by "we," I mean DH. I had no part of the whole thing, other than making enough at the yard sale to buy it. And burning to a crisp. For the last 6 weeks, we have had a steady stream of water running under our sink. And in the wall. And mildew growing. So we will be replacing the cabinets soon. We got the new sink yesterday, since it was on sale at Ikea. I love Ikea. I want to move into one of those demo houses they have set up. But we got our sink and faucet yesterday (because our current one sucks, so we figure if we are redoing everything else, why not put in something that might actually be easy to use instead of a PITA)...on SALE even! WOOHOO! Now we just have to go back when we have the truck and get the cabinets and the counter top. Then, in another year or so, we will finish the rest of the kitchen cabinets. Because god forbid we start AND finish a project in without starting 4 more before we are done. Maybe once we start this one, we can finally tint that 3rd bedroom window. And finish the roof coating that is halfway done unevenly. BAER. OH! And maybe even the bathroom floor and sinks in there! Nah. Too much to ask for, right? The window tint would be a good start.