Too good at dieting.

Ok, that's probably a bit of an overstatement, because obviously, if I was too good, I wouldn't need to do it anymore.

What I mean is, I'm too good at cutting out calories, but NOT good at balancing my diet. For example, my current target is 1800-2000 calories a day, and 45-60 grams of fat. Considering I'm almost 100 pounds overweight, and have a deskjob, and don't exercise, this is the target for now according to my plan. I've been tracking my eating for 3 days now and here's how wonderfully I've been doing:

Sunday: 1415 calories, 53 g fat
Monday: 1722 calories, 62 g fat
Today: 1476 calories, 55 g fat

I'm also trying to keep it to 19g or less of fat per meal. I do fine on that at breakfast (7, 13, and 8), and lunch (4, 16, 11), but dinner is a challenge so far. I'm at 42 (kielbasa--but in my defense, when we chose it, I hadn't started counting yet), 24 (Tombstone Pizza) and 32 (Quick-Fix Beef and Rice) for the week. I really need to get this under control. :o( And increase my calories overall, without increasing fat. This is actually hard for me, in some ways.

I remember in my WW days, I would get home from work at 9, and tell my aunt "I have 15 points I have to eat." My point minimum was 25, I think. Mind you...that was the MINIMUM of a 5 point range (excluding fat, 5 points=250 calories).

I know all about the fact that if you don't eat enough, your body goes into starvation mode. I do. But I'm too good at cutting in some areas. Mind you, I've eaten today. See? (Hopefully this link keeps today's date). It's not like I'm not having anything. It's just not enough.

Guess I get to add orange juice back into my life for awhile. That's a great calorie add with no fat for when I'm not really hungry. Too bad I cut it out 6 years ago, so now I feel guilty drinking it!

Must. Get. Over. Food. Guilt.

I love my DH.

Really, he has his flaws, but he's great sometimes.

He read my blog yesterday (well, I sent it to him and there was a quiz...so he had to. *wink*), so he knew I was stressing my weight again. Well, this morning I started considering gastric band surgery (again). I told him that, and it made him sad. I asked why...he said my situation made him feel like a failure and that he wasn't supportive. I told him he's not a failure, but he's also not supportive at times. (Note: I'm not upset about this...I've realized that is him, and I can't fix that...it's for me to deal with). That made me cry. I felt bad for making HIM feel bad.

The first thing he did was email a friend of his who had the band surgery for her experience. She said she has lost about 40 pounds, but wasn't really impressed with it. And I can't say I blame her. The cost is from $15,000 to $30,000...and for that much, I think I would want to lose more than 40 pounds! So now I'm thinking about trying Alli. In fact, I've been thinking about it for a long time. I've pretty well decided I'm GOING to try it. As soon as I can get my stupid coupon to print...

After we talked about the band surgery, we talked some more, and I have a veggie garden growing, but I just started it a few weeks ago...so no veggies yet. DH said he wants to start juicing again (veggie juice, that is), and we can do more fresh stuff (we do mostly frozen for convenience sake). AND...I about fell on the floor for this one...if I get Mayfield milk, he'll drink skim!!!

So I'm off to the store tonight after work (was going anyway...missed a few awesome coupons at Kroger when we went on Sunday). I'm getting some cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, whole grain bread and LF provolone, and we are having veggie sammiches. NOM! Might use some pam or ICBINB spray and have a grilled one for myself. Maybe with some honey mustard...

I'm also stopping at Walmart to get the rest of the stuff I need to finish my garden (planting "troughs" for lack of a better word...and topsoil). Need to get everything else started. As it is, I can't believe I have only killed a little bit when I tried to move them to bigger pots!

I'm so proud of him. I'm *hoping* that this time, we can stick with this a little longer. We've been through it before...but this time I actually grocery shop regularly...which is new. I don't want miracles at this point. I just want to be back where I was when we met (~190) so my clothes will fit again.

Miss me?

Been awhile since I posted anything, so I thought it was time. Here's the quick and dirty to get you up to date:

-House is great. Living room is completely done, save for hanging some pictures that we can't decide where to put them. Dining room is still empty (actually, this is a new development, as it had boxes in it that needed to be unpacked). Bedroom is still unpainted. Kitchen is still half painted. But we have everything out of the trailer...and most of it is in the garage, though...but it's not so much we can't get the cars in there, so it's all good.

-Went to Disney again for our anniversary. Ate our way though the hotels and skipped the parks this time. Food was great. Highly recommend Jiko at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. I'd pass on Yachtsman, though. Food was good, but the atmosphere sucked. We are going back in September next.

-Weather has been nice, so we have been doing lots of scootering. There was one Sunday between errands and joy-riding, I put 100 miles on the bike. Hoping for some nice weather this weekend too (I think rain is in the forecast) so we can do a longer day trip on Sunday. I want to start building up and maybe take the bikes in Sept. But we have to work up to that long of a trip! And buy raingear.

-Still haven't sold the damn trailer. Thought we had it gone, and the girl had a warrant out on her. *eye roll* I'm so close to saying "Fuck it" and just turning it over. I'm tired of paying lot rent for something we aren't using at all. It's a drain.

-Still couponing. I actually set up a second blog about it. Haven't updated that, either, though. I suck.

-Work is ok, but has been HUGELY busy prepping for our software change coming up on 7/1. Lots of data conversion to make sure we are only bringing the good stuff over...plus we had about 50 stimulus grants come through our office at least 1 has been awarded that I know of...WOOHOO!).

Ok...so, now for the general train of thought stuff:

I'm fat again. No, really. I am. And I think I'm tired of it again, too. Well, I *know* I'm tired of my clothes not fitting. But I just don't know how to get back into "diet mindset". Last time, I had my aunt that I lived with...and she was willing to do ANYTHING to help me (I think we ate frozen Lean Cuisines about 3-4 nights a week, and when we DID cook, she let me pick stuff, because she was ok with losing a few pounds as well). But now, I can't make DH do that. 1) I know he wouldn't. 2) It obviously didn't lead to long term success. If it did, I wouldn't be worried about it now.

So, what can I do? We have at least started eating at home more often than we were. For awhile we were doing REALLY well about it. And I still bring my lunches...usually either leftovers or frozen meals (not always low fat ones, but most of the time). I know my coffee is adding calories and fat...but I'm not willing to cut that out. Sorry, caffeine is more important. I have started doing iced coffees at home on a semi-regular basis, though...and those aren't bad. 1 cup of milk and some SF flavored syrup. If only I could get DH to go for Skim milk instead of 2%. I might have to compromise at 1% (though, the 2% already was a compromise)...or just start buying 2 gallons. But I don't know that I will drink THAT much before it goes bad.

Anyway...I debate going back to WW. But there are a few downsides: 1) To do points, I'd have to pay again, and I really don't want to. 2) I came across an old printed out Core list, which I guess I could use, but I know they have changed that as well, so for best results, I'd have to pay to get that updated, too. 3) I'm not sure I'm ready to replace my coupon obsession with a points/food obsession. Or even add another obsession to the mix. I drove DH nuts last time, because I have to count every little thing, and it's time consuming, and obnoxious if you aren't a participant. And it becomes life-encompassing. It would be all I would think about. I know this. I've been down that road. And yes, WW does work, if you work it. That isn't an issue. Though, at present, I'm in a "Results, NOW" kinda mood...which isn't a good place to start. I do realize this.

So, then there is the original focus of this blog...IE. Downsides: 1) Must learn self-control. 2) Must remember I DO NOT HAVE TO CLEAR MY PLATE. Why is this all caps, you ask? DH has a tendency when he cooks, to plate everything and serve it. I guess it's habit from when he was a chef. And he doesn't measure out "portion sizes". He splits what he makes in half most of the time...and it's way more than I SHOULD be eating. But I was raised in a "clean plate" house, which is very hard to get past, and I'm usually very hungry...or at least think I am...so I eat everything he dishes out. And I should also mention, while he has gotten better, he is still anti-LF/NF on almost everything. There are some things he will do now that he wouldn't before...so there is progress. Anyway...I've gotten off track. This is about doing IE. There really aren't more downsides, except I might gain a little more before I start to lose. There are MANY advantages to it...like when we go back to Disney, I won't have to "blow it" for the weekend to enjoy myself. And I have I mentioned there is 1 IE victory without even really trying: since couponing, I have had ice cream in the house for well over a MONTH...the SAME CARTON of ice cream...and I really only have some occasionally.

Ok. So, what does this mean? I think I need to find my IE book. Or suck it up and pay for WW again. All this debating and I haven't decided anything. But SOMETHING needs to change. I do know my first goal: to have my work pants allow me to breathe comfortably. I guess this is about 10 pounds. I hope that's all it is, or I'm in more denial than I thought.

Somedays, I wonder about my intelligence.

I have no idea if I have posted this before...and I really probably shouldn't, but I need to get this out so later (in about 3 months) I can tell myself "I told you so."

Yes, I...with the assistance of my loving and equally dumb (at times...I love him, and he is smart, but in this case, we are being stupid) husband...will be offering to rent our trailer (the one we just moved out of--in fact, we aren't even totally moved) to none other than his parents, who currently live across the street from it.

You might be thinking "That's a great idea! I'm sure it will help them out, since the rent will be lower and you will be a little more flexible than the management!"

Um, yeah, but there is some background there. My ILs are NOT known for paying their bills on time. Any of their bills. So we are basically expecting this to happen this way: Month 1) We actually get paid on time, in full. Month 2) The lot rent gets paid, but our portion does not--but "We're expecting xx money from xx person for xx reason, and we'll pay you then!" Month 3) Never got our portion from the previous month. Lot rent is paid, but late. Our portion again doesn't get paid. Month 4) Nothing gets paid.

Seriously. I have NO doubt in my mind this is what will happen. So why are we doing this? Honestly, we will be happy if they take care of the lot rent. Our portion, while it would be nice, we really don't expect to ever see it. Luckily, we just pay my mom, and we are already budgeted to continue to do so.

So aside from the financial aspect of this idiocy, there is also the STUFF issue. ILs are packrats. And their house is absolutely disgusting. I won't even go over there anymore. Haven't been in almost a year, I think. So when DH talked to the management company about this possibility, their response was that their current house has to be left SPOTLESS or they won't be approved to move into ours. Joy. Guess who THAT lovely job will most likely fall on? If you guessed DH and I, you'd probably be right. And on top of this, they need to get rid of stuff. ALOT of stuff. They'd be going from a 3 bedroom to a 2 bedroom...which alone isn't an issue for them. One BIL has 2 kids, but kids can sleep on a couch when visiting (because they aren't welcome in my house, but that is another story altogether...), and they can have 1 guest room. But there is just an abundance of TRASH. They keep things no sane person would keep. I don't get it. I think the joys of purging will fall on not just DH and I, but I think we will have to recruit his sister and her DH to help with that. And it will get ugly...but we have all agreed for a long time that most of that can be thrown out.

On top of that, there is the fact that DH and I put alot of work into that trailer...replacing floors, cabinets, painting, etc. We KNOW that they will be no better about keeping that place clean than they were about keeping their old one clean. Do I REALLY want to see DAYS worth of work and THOUSANDS of dollars in improvements trashed in a few months?

So, you NOW might be wondering why in the hell we would even consider renting to them, with the likelihood of not getting paid, and all the cleaning involved, and the emotional trauma of my work being trashed. Well, it's simple. We budgeted for about 6 months of carrying the trailer after we bought the house. And we could. But we miss having disposable income...and to maintain 2 houses (cutting the grass, making sure nothing happens there, etc) is a hassle. So yeah, it's not really a NECESSARY thing, but we REALLY want to get out from under that. And we figure, even if they just pay the lot rent, we will be okay with it. Not happy...but ok.

I do also worry about the entitlement factor. Meaning, his parents CONSTANTLY have this sense of entitlement going on. They expect everyone else to pay for them. They think because they are old (they aren't, BTW...they are in their 50's) everything should be done for them, and the world is owed to them because they raised their kids. Um, yeah. That's what you are supposed to do when you have kids. Raise them. And NOT expect anything in return.

Oh, well. I want my fiscal freedom back. And if it means trusting someone who I know damn well can't be trusted, well...so be it. Cross your fingers for us.

My economy rant

Don't get me wrong. Times are hard...or at least scary...for most if not all. DH and I are always worried about the "What if" since I'm a state employee, who's facing a 10.5% budget cut. "What if" they decide to fill that cut with my job? Or do furloughs? Or... I could keep going. And he's in what some see as a "luxury" market...though, gratefully, others see it as a cost saver. Scooters rock. No other way around it. But if the banks don't start lending again, his sales might stay where they are...instead of go up like we've been thinking they would in the spring. So we deal with the "what if's" and make our plans conservatively.

But this article really burned me up. This woman in Buckhead wants you to feel sorry for her because she isn't allowed to rent her $400K+ condo, and she might lose it to foreclosure...like she did with her "lake house" (unspecified, but I would guess Lake Lanier...also in the $400K range). Not to mention at the end it states she's living in another condo because "it's cheaper". Well guess what, honey, it would be even cheaper if you only had ONE of those condos in the first place. Right...you are trying to sell the one. But why BUY a second one in the first place when you have one you are struggling with? And it's supposedly almost right next door, so it's not like it was a "vacation home" that she has just decided to live in...she purposely bought 2 condos in downtown Atlanta. Duh?

See, this is what annoys me. People with a sense of entitlement wanting you to feel sorry for them when they lose a house they never should have bought in the first place because it was more than they could really afford. There are many people GENUINELY struggling. They weren't living beyond their means, but through whatever circumstances, they now are (job loss, pay cuts, last summers gas prices skyrocketing...). THOSE are the people I feel sorry for. They haven't made stupid decisions. They have done what they can to stay afloat, but it just isn't easy. THEY deserve the bailouts and rescue plans. Not the ones who did stupid shit and now think the world is owed to them.

And don't even get me started on Octo-mom. She falls in this category too...

My plot to get free soda.

Sounds more devious than it is. This is kind of a continuation of my last post.

Walgreens has a few deals going on:
Colgate toothpaste: 3.29, get 3.50 back in Register Rewards (RR) for next visit.
Huggies diapers: Spend $25, get back $10 in RR.
12-pack coke products: 4/$13, get $3 in RR.
Blink tears eye drops: $7.99, get 7.99 in RR.

Here's how I'm doing this...

I got the Colgate...and I had a .75/1 coupon, so I actually spent 2.77 after tax and got the 3.50 back.
I'll be doing the Huggies thing (no, I'm not just wasting them...gonna give them to my SIL for my nephew). The jumbo packs are on sale for $10 each. I have 3 coupons: 2 for $5 off, and one for $3 off...making my total after coupons $17. Get back $10 of that.
Use those 2 RR's to get 4 packs of coke...FREE. Actaully, it's better than free. I get $3 in RR back. Get the eyedrops (which I have a $2 coupon for) and $7.99 in RR, then get another 4 packs of coke for about $2 (no RR on this one, since I'm using the ones from last time).

So, for about $28, I will have:
1 tube of Colgate
3 jumbo packs of Huggies
8 12 packs of coke products
1 bottle of eyedrops

I'd call that an ok deal. *insert evil laugh here* If I were to ONLY get the soda, it's STILL a good deal at about $3.50/12 pack, or .29 per can.

My new obsession: Coupons

Yes...those things we call cut and save and never use. Well, I've decided to start using. Did my first shopping trip yesterday armed with my list from The Grocery Game and my carefully clipped coupons from various sources (mostly the newspaper, but a few online ones as well).

So, how did I do? Not so bad for my first trip, I'd say. I made 2 stops. Kroger and Publix.

At Kroger:

My list was:
DanActive Yogurt- 2.00 after kroger card discount of .69, plus a coupon
Activia Drinks- 3.39 after .60, plus a coupon
Mayfield Over the Moon milk (chocolate): 2.99 after .70 plus coupon
Regular milk: Reg: 2.59 after .40
Venus Embrace Razor: 7.99 after 2.00 plus coupons
Gillette Shampoo: 3.99 after .38 plus coupons
Boneless/Skinless Tyson chicken breast: 1.99/lb

It turned out the chicken was from last week's ad. So I passed on that...it was 4.69/lb instead of 1.99, and we aren't really ready to be cooking at the new place anyway. I can wait for the next sale. They DID have Duralog Fire starter logs though, and we have been looking EVERYWHERE for them. Kroger is the first place to have them. So I bought a case of those...no coupon, and probably a premium price since they ARE the only place to have them...but we needed them. So 23.99 to those.

All together, I had 11.00 in coupons, and 4.77 in Kroger card discounts. The Venus Razor, normally 9.99, was 3.99. The Gillette shampoo, normally 4.37 was FREE. Yes, you read that correctly...FREE. No charge. It was on sale for 3.99. I had a 2.00 e-coupon on my Kroger card and a 2.00 coupon from the paper.

My totals were:
Original--54.56 (before all discounts)
Spent--38.79 (23.99 on the logs, so the planned items would have been 13.80)
Saved--15.77 (28.9% of the total, 51.6% excluding the logs)

Then, it was off to Publix.
Little longer list there. And I ended up getting 1 thing that I had a Publix coupon for, but hadn't planned to get so I left a manufacturer's coupon at home...where I could have saved a little more. Not much, but still. And I picked up 1 coupon in the store for buy2 bags of salad, get a free pack of Craisins. I wouldn't have otherwise gotten the salad, but it worked out. I eat the craisins at work instead of going to the vending machine for Skittles (I need something sweet in the afternoon), and it's not like we can't stand to eat more salad...

So, in all, I got:
Pillsbury frozen cheddar biscuits (this is the one I forgot the other coupon for)
Friskies cat treats
Craisins 100 calorie packs
Veggie lovers salad
American salad
Poptarts (x2)
Barber stuffed chicken breasts
Progresso crushed tomatoes (x4)
Thomas' bagels (x2)
2 liter bottles of Soda (1 each, 5 total): 7up, A&W cream, A&W root beer, A&W diet root beer, and Diet cherry 7up
Shredded mozzarella
Classico pasta sauce (x4)
Mueller pasta (x4)
Secret flawless deodorant
Ground beef (about 4 pounds)

Original--83.09
Spent--47.20
Saved--35.89--4.39 in store coupons, 5.00 in vendor coupons, 24.71 in advertised specials, 1.79 in Advantage Buy savings (43.2% of the total)


For a grand total of....

137.65 worth of stuff for 85.99 (37.5% discount) and a savings of 51.66. Not TOO bad. I was hoping for better. Stupid logs... Without them, it would have been 113.66 for 62.00 with the same savings, making it 45.5%. But we have a pretty good head start on groceries for awhile.

Next week, I'm buying diapers for my nephew. They are on sale for $10 each for the Huggies Jumbo packs at Walgreens, and for every $25 you spend on Huggies products, you get $10 in Register Rewards (basically In-store Credit), AND there are $5 and $3 coupons out there. So I can get 3 packs of diapers for $30, use 2 $5 and 1 $3 coupons (I have 2 of each), making my cost $17, then get back $10 that I can use on something else...and then the diapers are $7 for 3 packs, or 2.33 each! I *think* I have heard they have Register Rewards for Diet Coke, too...you can never have too much of that! Haven't heard about my other star deals of the week yet, but I'll be sure to post when I do!