Ten things I like about me.

Saturday was Day 45. I have successfully stayed OP for a full 46 days now. I've even started going to the gym for which I have been paying $35 a month for 2 years and not using. I have lost a total of 10 and a half pounds. I deserve my reward. I should be jumping for joy.

But I'm not.

Yeah, sure, I'm proud of myself for sticking it out. And yeah, I'm glad I'm finally starting to go to the gym. But I have yet to run to the store to cash in my reward (it was supposed to be $15 for my Starbucks card). I haven't even thought of a suitable replacement reward. I know I deserve SOMETHING, but I just can't think of anything.

Maybe it's PMS. I'm feeling like for as much as I have been busting my ass, I should be down at least 12 pounds...or my work pants should at least be comfortable by now. I should be able to go up a flight of stairs without feeling like I'm going to die...or at least not be drenched in sweat by the time I get to the top. But they aren't, and I can't.

I know this isn't a race and there is no hurry. I'm still trying very hard to focus on actions not results. But when you aren't seeing results, it's hard to keep up the actions. Actually, that's not true. I've gotten pretty good at the actions. Hell, I only ate one slice of pizza last night because I didn't know how many points it would be. As it turns out, I could have had 2. Instead, I had some dessert when we got home and I found out I had 5 points left. But the point is, I start to wonder why I'm doing this if I'm not getting the results.

I tried on my Goal Dress on Saturday, just to see. I had a somewhat easier time getting it on...but it's still too tight. I *could* probably wear it with some Spanx or control top hose, but I'd be miserable.

Ok...enough with the self pity. Here is a list of things I should be proud of:

1) I have stuck with my points for 46 full days. Yes, I have had days where I have gone way over, but at the end of the week, I have always had enough flexies to cover everything.

2) I ran a total of 4 minutes last week. Actual running. I also walked a total of 101 minutes, and swam for 45. That is 150 minutes of exercise that I did. Voluntarily. There were some weights in there, too.

3) I have turned down seconds of dinner at least twice in the last week, and taken home leftovers two other times.

4) I actually told DH today that yes, we can go to Maguires for dinner, but I still want to go to the gym first, so he was going to have to go home and get me a towel and meet me there. As it turns out, he gets off work early today, so he's cooking instead. But the fact remains...I said that I was going to the gym, no matter what we were doing.

5) I have continued to track what I eat, even when I don't want to and just want to give up and get a cheeseburger and some cookies. Actually, I have had the cheeseburger. And the cookies. Just not on the same day.

6) I have routinely asked to substitute the steamed veggie of the day for french fries when we have gone out to eat.

7) I am actually looking FORWARD to adding running time to my workout.

8) I have only annoyed DH once with my obsessive planning of meals. At least, only once that he has said anything.

9) While I feel like dying, I am able to exercise at a moderate intensity for over 30 minutes non-stop, and still have the energy to lift some weights.

and finally

10) I have lost TEN AND A HALF POUNDS in a month and a half. With a vacation. And going out to dinner more than weekly. 6 weeks. 10.5 pounds. That's a little over 1.5 a week. That is actually a PERFECT pace.

So next time I get down on myself for ONLY losing 10.5, and that I break out in a sweat after 2 minutes of exercise...someone remind me that I'm still 10.5 less than I was and while I'm dripping with sweat, at least I can keep pushing.